i may or may not be watching the land before time
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
