bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
