is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
FUCK WHALES
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
