The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Randomize
