ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
