I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
