I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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