It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
