Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
