the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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