this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
