Me too!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
