Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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