So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
