everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she peed on how many people?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
