MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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