That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
