Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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