Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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