i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
