it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
