I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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