I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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