so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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