Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
