Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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