you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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