pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
