I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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