I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
