We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
it's great music for shaving your balls
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
