Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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