You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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