just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
