One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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