I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
