Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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