pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
