Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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