i just google imaged poop.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
