all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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