it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
