I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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