You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
