He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
