rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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