It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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