The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
