I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
