i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
