Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
