1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
