last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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