Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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